A quality that I lack but daydream daily to aspire towards.

I often question why I pick up certain habits. Whether I do it for hopeful enjoyment or to get sophistication. I want to read the news, sip coffee in the early morning, and write deep things daily because that is my ideal sophisticated self.

But national news depresses me, coffee upsets my stomach, and I write very silly things when I write at all. My sense of aspirational sophistication extends to the music I listen to, the books I read, the TV shows I watch and the habits that I try to adapt. I want to be a certain type of adult person who can talk wisely about adult things but I often trip up because I don’t enjoy all of it.

I still cling on to this narrow ideal of adulthood, obviously. And I hate some of the things adults are “expected” to do. I’m a long way from having my life figure out but I’m learning the first step isn’t as defined and laid out as I originally thought it was.

National news depresses me but breathing in local news about art and culture is a breath of fresh air. Coffee may upset my stomach but tea is forever and writing silly things helps me sort out life like serious topics never could.