Very little is accomplished just through wishful thinking. I wish a lot, inspired by the fairy tales I drank in hungrily from Disney movies and fiction. The notion of simply believing in something hard enough would make everything work out, in the end, was a belief sewn into the fabric of my being. If I wanted my happily ever after I had to believe in it. Like really, really hard!
Of course, now I know that wishful thoughts can only be made a reality through lots of sweat and optimism. If you have a dream, you have to put the effort in. You have to be willing to swallow down failure and learn from it. You also have to accept that failure will be more constant companion than your successes worth all the more.
I’m no stranger to failure. I often wear it like a cloak, bearing down on my shoulders as I make my way through the world. It has a bitter tang and weighs on the heart like a damp towel. Despite these feelings, I do believe in my heart that I am better for them. They make me want more. To do more.
But then there’s wishful thinking. A part of me still clings to the idea of a happily ever after but at the current moment, I have no idea what that looks like. There are so many things I want to do with writing, in particular, but I don’t really know where to start. And so I close my eyes and hope that something works out. But I know it never works that way.
And so I’ll offer up this promise to myself. To stop wishing. To simply do. Knowing that some things won’t work out but other things will. Nothing will be done if I don’t muster up the courage to do it.
You know why I often fail at maintaining a blog?
To put it bluntly: I hate my voice.
Not my actual voice but my personal writing voice–the voice that is supposed to represent me. Getting into a character’s voice is easy. Though an element of myself may be hiding in the wings, they’re not me.
I struggle to talk about myself or the various aspects of my life candidly. I hide behind pretension and pretty prose in an attempt to obscure what I like, what I do, how I feel. It’s a very big problem that I, unfortunately, carry into my day to day life. I compartmentalize different aspects of myself into little boxes and mark most of them “Do Not Discuss.”
But I find admitting failure makes it easier to navigate around. Now that the secret is out, improvements can be made. Strategies can be devised. Tactics can be implemented.
So what can you expect from me this time around? My first inclination is to say that I’m not quite sure. I prefer my work to speak for itself but, in an attempt to be more candid, I’ll speak to what I hope to do.
My first and foremost goal is to bring all aspects of myself under a single banner. My life, my writing, my hobbies, and my strange obsession for the macabre and strange. In the past, I tended to spread these out on multiple platforms, shielding one aspect from the other. This could take the form of extended musings, book reviews, fiction vignettes or whatever else I find to express it.
For anyone who happens upon this little corner of the internet, I hope that you find some enjoyment from it.
Thanks for stopping by and best of luck to you on your internet travels!